Co-parenting after a divorce can be challenging, especially when conflicts arise. Focusing on your child’s best interests is essential to help them feel secure and loved. However, for some New York parents, that’s easier said than done.
Whether your relationship with your ex is good or bad, there are three basic models of co-parenting: high-conflict, parallel and productive. Understanding these styles can help you find the best approach for your family.
High-conflict parenting
This style involves ongoing disputes and poor communication. This creates a stressful environment, not only for the parents but also for the child. The tension and frequent arguments can lead to emotional distress.
Example of high-conflict parenting:
- The school notifies parents that their child cut class.
- Instead of discussing the situation together, each parent blames the other.
- Both parents might take legal action to change custody arrangements.
- The child faces separate punishments from each parent.
This approach is not child-centered and often makes things worse.
Parallel parenting
This is a more reasonable approach for parents who cannot communicate without conflict but still want to be involved in their child’s life. Each parent makes decisions independently during their parenting time, minimizing interaction.
Example of parallel parenting:
- A child gets into trouble at school.
- The child is with one parent, who enforces one consequence.
- When the child goes to the other parent’s home, they impose a different punishment.
- The lack of communication results in the child living in two separate worlds.
While this method reduces conflict, it may not always be in the child’s best interest.
Productive co-parenting
This is the gold standard. Productive co-parenting focuses on collaboration and open communication for the child’s benefit. It involves mutual respect and a shared commitment to prioritize their well-being.
Example of productive co-parenting:
- Both parents are informed about the child cutting class.
- They discuss the incident and agree on a unified consequence.
- They may even talk to the child together to explain their decision.
This approach allows children to see their parents working together and focusing on their needs, fostering a sense of stability.
Finding balance after a contentious divorce or separation
Co-parenting can be complex and emotionally challenging. In cases of disagreement over custody and parenting time, or parents who find it difficult or impossible to communicate, a knowledgeable child custody attorney can provide guidance and support, helping parents focus on a child-centered approach.
A skilled lawyer can help create agreements that reflect the child’s best interests and help parents transition towards more productive co-parenting. In the end, the goal should be to ensure that your child feels loved, secure and valued by both parents, despite the changes in family dynamics.